Certified analysis of curbside parking attempts. Every attempt is official. Every attempt ends the same way.
Parallel Parking Pal exists to attempt curbside parking on your behalf and certify the resulting Fender Proximity, Curb Alignment, and Phantom Pedestrian Avoidance using instruments only the Pal can see.
Every attempt generates its own Attempt Number, its own Fender Clearance and Curb Alignment Offset reading, its own Phantom Pedestrians Avoided count, and its own permanent entry in the vehicle's parking prowess history.
Each attempt measures Fender Proximity, Curb Alignment, and Phantom Pedestrian Avoidance, regardless of how the vehicle is actually positioned, whether any pedestrians — phantom or otherwise — were ever present, or whether curbside parking can be meaningfully certified at all.
All readings are generated within tolerances the Bureau considers scientifically unimpeachable. There is no sensor array. There is no Bureau.
Every vehicle begins the attempt with the Pal's full, entirely theoretical confidence. Every attempt ends somewhere in a narrow, historically unimpressive range.
No attempt has ever produced a flush curb alignment or a fully cleared fender, and the Bureau does not fund research into why.
Vehicles may be re-parked by pressing the button again. The Pal will apply exactly the same rigor to the reattempt as to the original attempt, which is to say, none.
Parallel Parking Pal is provided for entertainment purposes only. No vehicles, curbs, or phantom pedestrians were harmed, scraped, or meaningfully detected in the making of any certificate.